Following Jesus and Family Conflict

Matthew 10:34-39 suggests following Jesus will bring conflict within families:

Matt. 10:34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it. (NKJV)

We know very little about the family lives of the early disciples, but we can still wonder about how their call to follow Jesus impacted their relationships with parents, in laws, children and siblings. How would Saul/Paul's family have felt when he threw away a promising career as a Pharisee to suffer shame, jail, torture and eventual martyrdom? Peter had a mother-in-law, so we know he was married and might assume he had children, how did they feel about their new lifestyle?

Brothers and sisters might expect their siblings to share in the care for elderly parents, could Paul help from prison? Peter's wife might have wanted to get their children an education, but how did his new life affect that plan? When children saw their standard of living go down as a result of their family following Jesus, what would they think about their father for leading them in this direction?

Even if the family is generally supportive and/or doesn't complain out loud, men generally want to feel like they are providing for their families. This could certainly be sinful pride and/or comparing to others, but we also have an obligation to provide for our families according to scripture (1 Tim. 5:8).

Would any disciple be tempted at times to say, "enough is enough" and make providing for their family in the way their parents, siblings, in-laws, children, spouses or according to their own standards (prideful or biblical) their top priority?

What is best? One thing for sure, we can't make anyone else happy all the time. However, as joy and peace are fruit of the Spirit, helping them come to know Jesus and find their joy from Him/Spirit is better than anything we can do for them at any given point in time. Further, we don't know the future so to back away from the call of God to make others happy or provide for their future can't be better than God's perfect/sovereign plans for His followers. To love Jesus is to follow Jesus even when others wish you would put their desires first.

If we really love our family we will want them to follow Jesus. If they see us valuing their respect or love more than our relationship with Jesus and call to follow Him, have we done them any favor? Will they have the best witness of the truth of the gospel by seeing their parent/brother/child/etc. give in to their desires to make them happy or by seeing them stay the course in spite of being seen as weak, foolish or even uncaring about other people's needs?

How did Jesus look to His family as He took up His cross? Foolish? Waste of business/carpentry talent? A slacker who won't share the burdens of His family? How humbling to be the Creator and Lord of all the earth and be seen as a complete failure by those you loved the most? I fear my pride would have caused me to show them who I was, what I was capable of.

Would Jesus have been loving them/us best if he went back to carpentry or made himself king on the spot? Anything would have made those who loved Him more happy than Him going to the cross, but thankfully He loved and obeyed the Father and loved us differently than we would have chose to be loved!

"Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved."